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The Poor Guy Didn't Stand A Chance!
Raise your hand if you have ever had some less than stellar dating experiences.
Unless you are still married to your high school sweet heart, are Amish or yet to have your first kiss, chances are you have had a bad date or two.
It might be she was not your type, lied about her looks, or was a wing nut that you could not wait to get away from. However, what if it was about you?
What if you were showing up on dates that tanked before they started because of what you were bringing to the table? Not you! That's just crazy talk! Or is it?
You might have won the genetic lottery and be gifted with the looks of George Clooney or Brad Pitt, but you know yourself that looks are not always the criteria for a great date. Many guys, myself included, have put blinders on their values and boundaries on a date because she looked hot. Allowing physical attraction to be the key factor in our screening process. The fact the her voice and laugh were hard to listen to or she was way too high maintenance, or didn't shared your values just went out the window as you think...Yeah but look how hot she is!!
Looks, as you well know, gets old real fast if you are seeking serious relationship.
Now for the bad news. Women are not as physically obsessed as we men are. Yes, she wants her man to be handsome and attractive, but she would give up a few physical flaws for a man with a sense of humour, passion and purpose. She sees the big picture and your real value to her is in the dynamics of a relationship.
So with this understanding, I want to give you a scenario I observed at a local coffee shop. A man was sitting at the table two over from me. He was checking his phone constantly. I figured it had to be a date or a business meeting. He waited about 5 minutes on his own. I then saw a very well put together woman walk in, she was very curvaceous, stylish and was comfortable in her own skin. She was not my type, but there was something very attractive about her and her energy felt like she knew herself.
This could not be said for our Brother. He was not in his power. He hit his knee on the table as he arose to greet her and his coffee almost went on the floor. His nervousness was obvious. I was not privy to the details of their conversation, but I did not need to.
Body language is ninety percent of the game and it was speaking volumes as to how the date was going. She was not impressed within a few minutes of sitting down. She was polite and cordial, but you could tell she had checked out of the date and was biding her time to exit gracefully.
Our Brother was trying so hard to engage her, but was going no where. It ended with her stating she had another meeting to get to thanked him for his time and wished him well. I did hear her say..."Oh don't get up...I'm good!" fearful of his knee knocking the table again, but I'm sure it was a guard against any physical touch too. The poor guy didn't have a chance.
Have you ever been in that situation or something similar? I have. It can happen to the best of us. We just were not ready.
So how did our Brother make such a poor impression on this woman? Well I suspect this date is part of a pattern for him. He's got some work to do.
Let's see if we can break it down so you know some of the key aspects to employ.
His body language expressed a weak man.
Shoulders slumped, and he didn't own his space. Instead of being on the phone prior to her showing up he should have breathed into the situation and get your masculine energy flowing. Breath deep and on purpose....slow your movements down. This will help bring your voice into your chest rather than your throat.
If you are late...don't panic and run in. You'll loose your magnetic edge if you are harried. You'll be on the back peddle and your voice will betray you. Instead, centre yourself in your car or on the walk there...never run!
Deep breaths from your stomach or solar plexus. If in your car, yell out a few empowering affirmations to amp up your energy and deepen your tone. This will help your body language through out the date. I recommend the Hoo- Yah!. Say the words sounds, "Hoo-Yah! 3 times from deep in your stomach as low and as loud as you can (in the car preferably) You can feel your masculine energy rise!
He didn't flirt with her! There needs to be a sense of play. You are on a date...the idea is to potentially be in an intimate relationship at some point. So many guys are so afraid to flirt that they keep the date feeling like an interview or they talk incessantly about themselves that it becomes boring.
The friend zone is not what either of you want. So flirt! You are allowed to be playful on a first date.
Don't over do it or be uncouth...keep it safe and fun...she will respond favourably if she wants to escalate it.
Compliment her shoes, her dress, her amazing eyes, but be unique about it...don't just say a compliment...tell her why you like her shoes, dress or eyes. Let her feel the compliment land and then you've got a great conversation starter that could be very flirtatious in nature. She wants to feel that you are a potential match for intimacy and romance...so flirt!
He had no real masculine energy.
Women hold masculine energy, as we men hold feminine energy. However, in relationships the dance is to support each other where the energies empower us.
It is your job as a man to help her surrender her masculine to you so she can be in her feminine where most women long to be. She needs to feel your masculine energy to do that.
It's very difficult to create attraction if you are too far in your feminine energy. That's where the "friend zone" comes in to play and that's not where you want to be.
As well, pay close attention to her...Like she's the only girl in the world in that moment. Watch her lips as she talks, watch her expressions. She'll feel you are more grounded as a man that the rest of her dates.
I wish I was able to have a chat and coach our brother in this scenario but he wasgone in a hurry.
The dating landscape is growing daily. The single scene will soon eclipse that of those in relationships. Crazy to think it but there is an eighty percent chance that a relationship will fail within 3 years.
You want to ensure you are not like our Brother on his date. You want to show up in your authentic masculine power, be her Remarkable man and be her champion.
That's just how you roll!
I've got your back!
Please "Like" and comment I'd like to hear what you have to say.
Dwayne Klassen is "The Mojo Coach" and Founder of
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