For a lot of guys, being in a group, community or having a coach is way outside their comfort zone.
We've got this lone-wolf thing down pretty good.
Sure, we get together with our buds and shoot the shit, have some laughs, maybe watch a game at the pub and check out the talent that just walked in. But aside from that our lives are pretty insular for the most part.
However, most guys would tell you that they want something more. What that is may surprise you. Men want to have real converstations with the men in thier lives.
In other words, men want to get real!
It's true! They want to talk and share about what is truly going on with them!
Guys want to share and express what's going on with them!?
Just what kinda guys are we talking about here?
The truth is, once you get past the masks, archetypes and fear, pretty much every man would prefer to have real conversations with their friends.
We typically don't go there because of some F'ed up story that was passed down to us from our fathers and peers about how boys shouldn't or don't get real.
So we don't.
The reason I know the real deal is what guys want to talk about, is because...well...I am a guy!
I am more than "The Coach For Men". As a man, I prefer to get past the bullshit, fake, mask-wearing nonsense and talk about what's real and truly matters.
I want to know my brother's pain, challenges, F-ups and blunders. I want to know, not from a professsional level, but from truly being a friend and brother to him.
As men there is one thing we all have in common, and that is the desire to help a brother out in is his time of need. When a brother is down, hurt or confused, it feels good to be the source of encouragement, support, a kick in the ass or a hand up.
There are two things a man needs in order to let himself get real. Let's explore them.
1) A man needs to know it's safe. For a man to truly tell it like it is, he needs to feel safe that his words, thoughts and feelings will be heard. That it will land on the right ears. The last thing a guy needs is for his friends be too imature and childish to handle what is being said. A man needs to trust his brother with his word. He has to feel like his brother has his back. Once the container of safety is there then you need the second part.
2) A man must have permission to go there. For most men the challenge of expressing and having a real conversation can be as simple as having permission to open up.
Guys typically will go with the flow. However, If he is sincerily asked what's really going on in his life, he's more likely to open up. It's like he's seeking permission to speak his truth and this is a safe place to do it in.
Things are changing fast. Men are waking up to a new age of today's 21st Century man. This is a man that expresses himself. He talks about the stuff that really matters and he fosters that dialogue with his fellow men at his side.
Getting Real with your brothers should be the norm not the exeption.
The next time you get together with you buddies or best friend. Ask him, "How are you doing?"
Chances are you'll get the same pat answer.
So I challenge you to dig deeper.
What I mean is, keep asking, "Dude...How are you REALLY doin?"
Keep asking as his ego and personal defences are what most men default to when answering with "I'm Fine", "I'm doing okay" and "I'm good." Etc.
You should be able to ask at least two times. "How are you Really doing?" before he truly believes he has the permission to go there.
There is one last component to a man's expression that is perhaps more vital than anything else.
Emotion is energy in motion. Like all energy it has to move at some point. If it stagnets it will leach out into other areas of his life. Men are dealing with an epic amount of stress, anxiety, sexual disfunction, heart disease and cancers. These are all made manifest by these negative energies being surpressed and locked up. Disease or more acurately, "Dis-ease" is the result. We must communicate and talk about the shit that hurts and bothers us.
Creating a container for men to express themselves with safety and persmission is one of the reasons I created The Remarkable Man Project-a global intiative to challenge one million men to step up and play a bigger game.
We need to connect on a deeper level brothers. This not a sign of weakness, wimpiness or being a victim. In fact, it takes a truly bold and courageous man to let go of the way things were and opt for a better way of being. When he gets to this point he becomes a man living from his authentic masculine power. This is a Remarkable Man.
We need to connect and get real with the stuff that truly matters. Let's have real conversations men.
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