We are in a world where relationships seem to be tested and threatened on a daily bases. The dating world is even more tenuous. Hook-ups, break-ups and stood-ups are just too easy in the digital age of dating.
In fact, the single life has become the sweet spot for a growing number of men and women. For many, dating and relationships have become too much work, too disapointing and too unfullfilling.
A big challenge I see as a coach for men, is just how misinformed many men are about the fairer sex. There are many anticquainted preconcieved notions about women that do not serve us as men. Especially if it becomes the filter in which we view potential partners or within our existing relationships.
So here are 5 Myths About Women Guys Need To Know:
Myth #1: Women Are Not As Sexual As Men - Yes it is true that there have been countless studies to support the narrative that men have higher libidos. However, there is growing evidence to support the idea that women are almost as sexually wired as men are. How it shows up is a bit different. Women need the safety, security and attach more of an emotional connection to sex than men. But if she has these basic needs looked after..Look out! It's on!
In fact, if a man has set the stage in the relationship properley, many men are often shocked and surprised at the libido and rawness of thier partner. I have had clients complain that they can't keep up to her sexual appitite.
As well, there are also plenty of men that lose thier sexual desire where many women maintain theirs. It's not a one sided scenario.
Myth #2: Women Are Too Needy - I know more men in today's world that are more needy than women are.
This myth stems a lot from what pop culture has perpatuated in the past. The husband doing all the bidding of his needy demanding wife.
Women today are feeling an unprecedented sense of empowerment and assertiveness that was unheard of in the past. The old notion that men are the grounded and focused force in the relationship is gone. I see it in my coaching practice all the time, where a man has lost his relationship becuase it was HE that became too needy and clingy.
The best relationships are when neither of you need one another to feel complete, but you WANT each other to enrich and grow together.
Needy is creepy no matter who is doing it.
Myth #3: Beautiful Women Are All About The Money - there is a common theme guys have when it come to getting back into the dating scene or wanting to start a relationship. Most guys get sunk before they even start just by buying into this silly myth.
There's no secret that women like style, clothes and shoes, but the myth that you need to have a big bank account and be rolling in a German sports sedan is not even close to the truth.
Don't mistake her questions about your career or mode of transportation to mean anything more than that...questions.
She needs to feel safe, secure and confident that you are a man that can take care of her and a possible family. She wants a man with direction and purpose that's in allignment with hers.
She may already have a great life style that includes travel, adventure and spontinaity. Like attracts like so her man should be on the same playing field.
She's not wanting you to bank roll her life, she just wants you to compliment it.
The truth is, this myth is only perpetuated by insecure men. They need this story to justify why they got shot down or dumped.
Myth #4: Women Nag To Get Their Way - "Nag, nag nag...That's all she does...it drives me nuts!" Sound pretty familiar right? Men have been lamenting about women nagging from the dawn of time. However, few men actually understand why she nags. It has nothing to do with getting her way!
The nagging wife or girlfriend is a result of a series of events. This is not a personality flaw or a lack of judgement when you first started dating, it is a reflection of what's not working.
If you are on the recieving end of nagging. It is a mirror reflection of who you are. You are not communicating or showing up in the relationship as advertised. You are dropping the ball in a number of areas and she is not feeling heard. By that I mean you shut her down or passify her without truly listening to the underlying pain of her complaints.
It's simple, if you hold up your end of what you bring to the relationship, listen and love her, you'll never hear nagging. I have experienced it and know many men in amazing relationships where the nagging partner is truly a myth.
Myth #5: Women Are More Emotional Than Men - It is true that women emote and share their feelings more readily than men. However, if you give a man the safe space and permision to express his hurt, pain and burdens, he'll express them as readily as women will.
The big one for men though is the shame he feels or has the potential to feel if he shares too much and that emotional release is used against him.
Women have always had a safe container for expressing their emotions in society. It's expected of them. Not so for men.
"Big boys don't cry", "Wimp", "Sissy" and "Suck it up!" have been the narartive as far back as I can remember.
Due to fatherly architypes and society, men have been conditioned to bury their emotions. That does not mean those emotions are not there. He just does not feel he has the safe place to express them.
I have also had clients that expressed deep emotional wounds to thier wives and partners at their urging only to have it used against them down the road. So many men tend to keep their emotions on the down low.
The key for a man is to have that emotionally connected to one's feelings but not allow yourself to be turned into a blubbering mess and you lose yourself in it. If you do, you'll lose your sense of masculine power, and that's not how you want to show up in your relationship. As much as it is important to show emotions. For men it still has to be measured.
If you want proof that men are emotional beings, go to any movie theatre while a sad scene is being played out...if the lights were suddenly turned on you'd see even the most rugged of men quickly drying thier eyes. I'm one of them.
I have learned the power of emotional expression and what it means to my health, vitality and mental well being.
It takes a truly courageous man to get in touch with his emotions. It's vital for all men to get there!
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