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If Love Hurts! You're Doing It Wrong

February 14, 2016

Written by Dwayne Klassen

Valentine's Day, That day when you celebrate all is right in your world and the your love springs eternal.

 

It's a day of reminding yourself and showing her just how important your lover is to you.

 

However, It's not always the Hallmark Card moment people want it to be. In fact, the week leading up to Valentine's Day is when the largest amount of relationship break-ups occure.

 

It appears to be a bell-weather or marker for how successful the relationship is really going.

 

I was and always will be a romantic. When I am in the relationship I do tend to give a lot on Valentine's Day. It's a great celebration of our commitment, passion, intimacy and friendship for each other. However, I also recall times when I put expectations and conditions on my romantic outpouring.

 

The gifts, dinners and thoughtful planning were (on the surface) very sweet, romantic and fun. However, if I was truly honest with you, I'd tell you I had an agenda. No, it was not to get great sex, we were always very sensual. It was to plant the seed that I too wanted her to be as thoughtful, caring and romantic towards me.

 

Most people unconsciously do for another what they want done to them. The crazy part is that we assume our partner will just know what it is we want. Once we assume then It can become a passive-agressive game. 

 

Disapointment, longing and disconnections can occure. Then we feel hurt and we label the act of loving someone a painful experience.

 

Our pop culture has wrote about, sung songs and made movies for decades about the pain of being in love and how love hurts.

 

Love is not the culprit here. Love is not what hurts. It's the perceived absence of love that hurts. For most people Romantic love is conditional love. It has to show up in a certain way in order for you to feel love or to give love. 

 

Ask yourself these questions:

 

  • Is my lover getting 100% of who I am?

  • Does he/she get all my love?

  • Am I holding back a part of me because I don't want to get hurt like the last time?

  • Does my lover love me the way I need him/her to love me?

  • Do I love myself enough?

These are tough questions indeed, but the truth is, it is YOU that dictates how much love you feel in any relationship. It can't come from another until it comes from you first!

 

For love to be blissful, passionate and true it has to come from YOU!

 

Unconditional love is born deep within. You have to love yourself first! You have to reconize that you are worthy of love for yourself. That image in the mirror is the person that needs your love more than any one on the planet. 

 

The most fullfilling relationships happen when two people love themselves first. Then they have enough love to give unconditionally to another. This is the meaning of TRUE LOVE.

 

On this Valentine's Day give yourself the gift of loving yourself unconditionally. Then you can move powerfully forward and give all of who you are to your lover, regardless of how they respond or show up. 

 

Love is the most powerful energy vibration in the Universe and it is in you to give. It must flow. Do not horde it, trap it or resist it.

 

 

Remember, it is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all.

 

Happy Valentine's Day!

 

If you enjoyed this post please "Like", share and comment on it, I'd love to hear from you.

 

Dwayne Klassen

#TheCoachForMen

www.DwayneKlassen.com

 

 

 

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