Don't Ever Apologize For Being A Gentlemen
Overheard In The Coffee Shop Today:
Late 30's couple leaving the coffee shop. Just before they get to the door a well dressed man walks in holding the door open for both of them.
She smiles broadly and says loudly, "Thank you so much! It's great to know there are a few gentlemen still left in this world!"
As they leave I can feel the tension instantly build between them. As The door closed I could hear his muffled response,
"What the hell was that all about?"
I could not hear the rest of the conversation but they argued on the street in front of the car for at least 5 minutes before they got in. No, he did not open her door.
With the work I do as "TheCoachForMen I always find myself observing men, women and couples as they interact.
Viewing these two...I immediately thought about emasculation. However, even though I work with men, I have a very different perspective on emasculation.
I believe for the most part emasculation only happens when a man is not feeling very manly, he's indecisive and not in his authentic masculine power. Like any feeling, no one can make you feel anything. They are just triggers to remind you of the parts of you that's already inside.
However, there are those that know the emasculation buttons to push too. I felt this woman pushed the envelope here with her man. Telling everyone within earshot that her guy doesn't open her door or acts like a gentlemen as she perceives one to be.
Shaming is a baseball bat to the groin for most men.
Yeah the guy didn't open her door, but in fairness, the man walking in beat him to opening the door. He may very well have swung it open and let her walk through first.
Too many couples are coasting through their relationships with resentment toward their partner as the underlying energy.
Resentment points exactly to where one's values and boundaries were not expressed. Or their partner's values and boundaries are stronger.
Both of these people are walking around without a blue print for each other.
They never got their partner's owners manual or don't remember it through neglect and apathy.
So they do the passive/aggressive dance and expect their partner to just pick up on their Jedi Mind Tricks to do the heavy lifting for them.
Men, it goes without saying, when in doubt fall back to an old school form of chivalry. Always open her door, let her sit first in a restaurant, stand to greet her as she approaches.
If you are afraid she might pull the hard core feminist card that it weirds her out...Don't ever apologize for being a gentlemen. That's just how you roll!
Ladies, if your man is not showing up as a gentlemen in your world. It's okay to tell him what you would enjoy experiencing more of...In private. Remind him of all the things that made you fall in love with him.
A lot of guys have fallen asleep at the wheel of their relationships. Don't expect him to read a book, go to a seminar or have the awareness to get coaching to fix it. He most likely does not see the severity of the situation. Remember, he's a problem solver. He can't solve it if he doest know about it.
Most men can handle being reminded of what you enjoy. Focus on what you want and less on what you are not getting. That way it does not feel like nagging and it comes across as something he can get behind right away.
I'm not sure where this couple is heading and I hope their love is strong enough that they can communicate openly and get back to being the lover each desires.
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Dwayne Klassen #TheCoachForMen