How To Feed Her Soul
So, You are in a relationship or you're a few dates in to something good.
Everything's going great!
The sex is great, you spoil her with fun events, your wit and charm. You seem to have a lot going on and all seems great!
Or is it?
Let me share an example for you.
From most perspectives this couple I know is the epitome of the perfect power couple. They are both ridiculously good looking and have everything anyone could ever want in life.
Yes, they have the dream house, the beach house, the cars and three awesome kids too!
This is the kind of relationship most people brag about or aspire to.
Individually, he's on fire and has been a successful business owner for a number of years. His family is well respected and he's known as a no-nonsense, get-it-done kind of guy.
He loves his beautiful wife and kids dearly and will do anything for them.
She's been a stay-at-home mom for 13 years but has kept her real estate license up for a few deals a year.
She's considered a socialite and hangs out with the "Ladies Who Lunch". She's a former model and consults here and there with charities and fund raisers.
Sounds like I'm describing a lady that has it all. And I am! A lot of ladies talk about how lucky she is and wish they were in her shoes.
However, there's one thing, if you look closely enough, you can tell she's lost something very near and dear to her. It's in her eyes and in her energy when she's not "on".
This dream life, this idyllic world everyone is envious of has cost robbed her of....her soul.
In truth, the relationship she has is not really a relationship of love, it's a relationship based on his values. The reality is she's a kept woman.
Where the biggest challenge resides is in her desire to grow personally and spiritually. She's fired up about all aspects of personal growth, enlightenment and the deeper aspects of the human condition.
That's pretty normal, nothing really strange about that. However, he thinks it's all silly, woo woo, fluffy nonsense. His values and boundaries are threatened every time she brings it up. His response is to shut her down or laugh it off when she's passionate about sharing something new she has learned.
He treats her like a child every time she's attempting to usurp her power.
He doesn't even like the fact she's kept her real estate license. He wishes she'd just be happy with everything she already has.
Sadly, she's conditioned to dim her light and he's unaware of the deep wounds it has created.
I hear it all the time from clients and well meaning friends of those going through the same thing.
What's happening is most people enter into romantic relationships based on appeasing their partner rather than being solid in their values and boundaries.
So many people are desperate for love and connection with another that they forget this key process. Months and years will go by all the while assuming their partner should know their deepest wants and desires.
Guys, as much as you may think that you have a kick-ass and awesome relationship, you have to do a reality check once in a while.
Being a great provider, sex and material things are all part of the recipe for being a champion in her life. However, are you aware of how to truly feed her soul?
This is that part of her world that is truly important to her.
What does she truly get fired up about?
What makes her heart sing?
What makes her feel joy from within?
These are questions all couples (not just men) should ask their partner.
The key here, that must be understood, is that these are HER passions and desires that are attached to her values and boundaries. Not yours!
It's awesome when activities that feed the soul match up because this is where most relationships flourish. This is that "Soul Mate" connection that so many long for!
A very important point is that the activities that feed her soul may not be in alignment with what feeds your soul, but they need to be nourished just the same.
You must allow her to express them, engage in them and encouraged.
Never usurp your opposition, down play them or make her feel small for having them.
One of the biggest soul fuels for women is that of personal growth and spiritual development.
Most of the self development seminars or workshops I attend are primarily filled 80% or more with women. The husbands and boyfriends are not at the seat beside them. What ends up happening is these women go home and share with excitement and enthusiasm what they learned to their man...only to have it land on deaf ears or the men being patronizing and condescending. "That's nice dear...glad you enjoyed it!"
I'll be as straight up as I can with you...If you are not into personal growth, spiritual development or seeking new awarenesses. Your relationship is on shaky ground.
If she's doing all the learning and growing she's going to out-grow you!
Even though you may have it all and can provide material wealth and stability, if you are not sharing in what feeds her soul, you will lose her in the end.
It may take months or years for her to muster the courage and strength to leave, but she will!
So start today and ask her. "Hey Hon...Um...I want to ask you something...What feeds your soul? What makes you truly come alive?"
When she response you may want to prepare yourself for a very powerful, provocative and real conversation.
Again, do not diminish or judge what she says. It is what matters to her.
My wish is that what she talks about is in some way in alignment with what feeds your soul too.
You may even have polar activities that really feed the soul. You love golf and she loves antiques. So support each other in that. She supports you enjoying your game and you support her in her going out to bargain hunt. However, every once in a while these activities should cross pollinate.
Take her to an antique store on a weekend road trip. Ask her to join you for a round of golf or go to the driving range.
You both have permission to be unapologetic about what feeds your soul. These are fundamental in our lives. If you can do them with your lover then you have the "secret sauce" for a very nurturing and rewarding relationship.
Feed her soul it does the body good!
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