If The Boy Could See The Man
Have you ever wondered why your relationships have a pattern or familiarity to them?
Have you ever contemplated why you excel in curtain areas of your life, but completely suck in others?
Do you ever get frustrated as to why you show up in conflict or stressful situations the way you do?
Have you ever been pissed off by the way you sabotage the things that matter most to you? Yet can't figure out why?
These are indeed questions of the ages.
So many men are often at a total loss as to why they behave the way they do.
Yet, instead of truly seeking answers and getting to the root, most end up suffering in quiet desperation.
They get diagnosed and labeled with depression, anxiety and host of other multi-syllable disorders to get them hooked on a host of prescription drugs to numb and dumb them down.
If it's not prescription drugs, it's illegal drugs, alcohol, food, sex addiction or any kind of distraction to avoid looking at the real reason a man is wired the way he is.
Yes, I get that you are your own man and that you have worked hard to create yourself in the image you desire.
However, there is a universal truth that you need to know:
Everything you are, everything you do and everything you say, is rooted deep in your childhood.
That's right! From the time you were a baby up until you were about 7 years old (you could argue that it is even well into your teen years)you were a sponge for information.
At this age your brain is like the old cassettes recorders (yeah remember those) you had to press play and record at the same time, but unlike a cassette recorder, your brain records everything right down to the feelings.
So for about your first decade on this planet you are just absorbing everything. Absolutely everything!
Once we hit our early teens, the recording tends to stop. The programs have been installed and we spend the rest of our lives fighting against or coping with them.
Somewhere somehow, you heard or experienced things that become a lock on how you are to react or respond to various scenarios or circumstances in your life.
You witnessed your parents deal with everything from romance, conflict, money and hardship to bigotry, politics and religion. You then bought into the idea that that's how it's done.
If you are a man, you'll deal with things the way Dad did. Your programming about women most likely comes from how your mom showed up in your life.
The programs can come from other people too! They may have come from another family member, a teacher, a guardian or role model that was in your life at that time.
Here's the rub, the moment of crisis that you experienced was locked in at the age of maturity in which you experienced it.
Let me explain that in other words. Your six year old self interpreted a situation at a six year old level of maturity.
Yet the subconscious program is so powerful that it causes you to react to the same situation with the maturity of a six year old today. Yes, today!
Oh sure, you have the deep voice, the height and look of a man, but when push comes to shove, the little boy comes to the surface.
How mature is a man if he's still fighting after the age of 30? Seriously, fighting has no place in a gentleman's life other than sport. It's an infantile expression of a lack of control. It's about the need to prove or usurp one's dominance, be loved, honoured or heard.
Kinda like a little boy when he does not get his way.
The little boy is triggered and he comes out. Maybe he's scared, maybe he has a fight or flight response, maybe he just becomes super immature and can't deal with problems head on. Maybe he slams the door, slaps his wife around, runs away or is inconsolable.
These seeds were planted so long ago. Perhaps your parents got a divorce and you interpreted that situation as not being lovable. You blamed yourself for how things went down.
Maybe your Dad in anger said things or lashed out violently to your mom, to you or your siblings but your four year old brain said that's how you are to deal with the conflict in your life and your relationships.
It's not meant to make sense. It's a four year old boy's interpretation of events.
Every man is dealing with the little boy within. As every woman is dealing with her little girl within.
The wounds of our childhood run deep. Most people have no clue that these programs are still running the show.
If your little boy within could look through his magical binoculars and see the man you have become, what could he say to warn you about the way you show up in your life?
If he could see the impact of how his interpretation of events would shape and mold you as a man, what could the little boy of your past have done differently?
The truth is, he couldn't do anything. What happened was exactly what was meant to happen. You are the man you are today, complete with all your baggage, issues and challenges.
However, it is incumbent upon you to seek to understand yourself. It's vital that men explore their unconscious programs, to do the work necessary to uncover the "Why" of how they act the way they do.
You need to do this to show up powerfully as a champion for the women in your life, a hero to your children and as a brother to other men.
The little boy within may not have been able to warn you before. But now you have a new level of awareness and awareness is the key!
With that awareness the little boy within has a lot of insights, messages and gifts to share with you.
He wants you to heal, forgive and let go!
By doing this it will help you to powerfully move forward and be a more compassionate and understanding father to your children. It will help you to break patterns in your relationships and love life. It can also heal the relationships with your parents, if only for your own sense of closure.
You do this by acknowledging that the little boy within is still very much alive and has so much to share with you. He has so much to express and feel! He has so much to heal.
When you start the process of healing the wounds or chords connected to your parents or role model, or situations that shaped you back then, you'll begin to take control of your life now and in the future.
This is not the kind of inner work you go towards lightly. This is a deep dive into some uncharted waters for most. It can be the hardest work you'll ever do.
Yet it just might be the most rewarding.
This idea of healing the wounds of the little boy within makes most men so uncomfortable that most would rather numb themselves with drugs, alcohol or food or engage in activities that distract them from letting the little boy within be heard or healed.
In fact, our society is designed and set up for most men to walk a lonely path of quiet or not so quiet desperation behind a mask that all is well and "Normal".
It takes patience and the will to change. It also takes a big man to realize his story from his childhood is running the show in so many ways.
He also knows that seeking the help of a coach or therapist to guide him through the process is essential for his greatest growth, understanding and support for what's discovered and explored.
Many of my clients have new lives because of embracing this process of true self discovery.
That little boy of your past has a world of wisdom and answers for you. He has the key to your recovery, your sense of self and your legacy.
Have the courage to hear him, heal him and love him. Then you'll have the power to let him go, love yourself and live as the Remarkable Man you truly are.
Remember, you're not alone on the journey, Brother...I've got your back!
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