When Your Best Is Just Not Good Enough
So you have it pretty good. You've got a great career or business and things seem to be chugging along nicely.
On the surface you have great friends, even a great relationship and family. You're so lucky!
However, for some strange reason, you feel like it's all about to go south on you at any moment.
You have this sensation of impending doom and don't know how to stop it from happening.
Well of course. I mean If you look at your track record you'll even see a ton of evidence to support your neurosis.
In business, you've got quite story: That last job or business you were in tanked due to someone pulling the rug out from under you. The culture sucked! The economy went sideways. You manifested some shading partners and they took all yours and your investor's money. You were so burned!
Damn that's a tough bout of bad luck.
Then there's your relationships. You actually consider yourself super lucky to be in your current relationship. You can't believe your partner is still with you.
I mean look at how all your other relationships tanked: There's the psycho, the desperate/clingy one, the uber-jealous type-A that controlled your every move. And oh! Let's not forget the one from the family from hell! Never again! Right?
So here we are back in the present and your are doing all you can to keep things afloat and everyone happy. But nothing seems to be landing. You try so hard but it seems like the harder you try the worse things get. In truth, your best is just not good enough.
The truth is, if you are feeling this energy chances are you are not too far from the truth of your reality. The people in your life can feel this energy about you.
It's a desperate energy. The same energy that created all your circumstances in your past.
The problem is, you can't see that your shoes are tied together before you get out of the starting block. This is because these are unconscious blocks and programs from your very distant past. Mainly in your childhood from your parental programming. Oh Those evil people!
You've actually known this for some time. But you're all good! You've usurped your independence from your F'd up parents long time ago. You've claimed your life as your own and you've got this shit handled!
Yup, all handled just as you're about to sabotage everything you have to fit into the story you have crafted for yourself.
It sucks! I totally get that! You are doing your best! Doing everything you can to create and live your dream life. Sure you might be super successful, a player in your field or industry. Yet you're scared because at some level or in another of your life you are feeling like a fraud. Like you know it feels so temporary. Like you don't deserve it.
So you begin to push it away. Not consciously. Hell no! You wouldn't destroy your life or repeat a self sabotaging behaviour on purpose!
At first, you'll do it subtly. Your business or career will begin to have a corporate culture that doesn't feel right. Your follow-up becomes suspect. You'll fail to do your due diligence and go with greed rather than wisdom. You'll begin to attract disruptors and those out of line with your values and boundaries. In fact, your values and boundaries become weaker by the moment.
In your relationship, you'll default to an energy that causes your partner to question who they hell you really are. You become someone that is weak, indecisive, jealous or a total jerk to be around.
Sure they love you but you become so unattractive that it pushes them away. You're too insecure to actually end it so maybe you cheat and you make their life suck to be around you and they have to leave you. It's your subconscious passive-aggressive way of getting what your unconscious "Undeserving Self" needs.
When they leave you or your career or business suffers it becomes a self fulfilling prophecy. Now you can revel in your abandon and lay blame to all those that did YOU wrong.
Nothing you can do, not even your best, will get this pattern to end.
Whoa! That sucks! I mean what a buzz kill!
So here's what you can do:
1. Admit It To Yourself -To end any kind of unconscious program you are going to have to actually come to terms with it. You actually have to put up the white flag and admit that you've got some personal baggage to deal with.
Are you truly tired of the cycles or Ground Hog Day type of reality you keep creating? Stop being an avoider and actually invest in breaking free of your shit!
This is where a lot of guys get uncomfortable. Men in particular have a difficult time in admitting they may have some wounds in their past that are causing them to behave the way they do.
Most guys use distraction action to avoid doing the deep dive. They opt for television, sports, gaming, porn, drinking, sex, drugs and working hard for success rather than taking on their stuff head-on.
In truth, suicide is ramping up in record levels among men. Some men are so hard wired to bury their pain that they'd rather checkout than seek help and deal with it head on. Some don't even know that the answers they seek actually exists.
2. Own your masculine/feminine energy - Let's assume you subscribe to the idea that everything is energy. With that as our guide, men and women have both masculine and feminine energy.
Chances are if your relationship is in trouble...You are not feeling the energy you want within you. You are too feminine or too masculine and it's causing a lot of confusion and frustration. The sex is probably not where you want it to be either.
3. Guys be more decisive in your relationship. Take some of the relationship maintenance pressure off her hands. Be smart about it. You're not a dictator, you're a confident, loving man handling things as her champion should.
4. Create a Plan! You don't have to have it all figured out or have it all come to fruition in order to rebuild, hold on to, or build on what you already have. What you need is a plan to go from where you are to where you want to be. Then enrol the people that matter into that plan.
When they see your passion, conviction and direction for making things better it is almost as sexy as having achieved it. Women love a man with a plan! She'll attach her star to you and support you because you are in your masculine energy and taking action to make things better.
5. Ladies, allow for change to occur. Let him take the reins. Surrender control with less tests. Trust he'll do what's right and allow him to feel like a man and reclaim the space you so want him to claim. There are a lot of men trying to do right by their wife or girlfriend but she's never really seen that side of him so she doesn't feel its authentic. So she has a hard time allowing him to truly be "the man" in the relationship.
6. Seek Help! We are at a stage of rapid change. You can feel it. You know that where you want to go cannot come from the person you are or once were. You cannot solve the problem with the same mind that created it.
You can go it alone and do the reading, listening to programs and talking with well meaning friends, but the answers have eluded you thus far and the pain of another rinse and repeat do-over is so not worth it.
Everything you want to know and discover about yourself is in the area of the mind known as I don't know what I don't know. This is the domain in which a good coach works in. This is where all blind spots are and all the modalities to reveal them exist.
I've just scratch the surface of a very big and pervasive problem that much of humanity is dealing with in one way or another.
Give yourself the gift of investing in a coach so that you can learn to give your best in a way that changes everything. Bust through the old programs so you become more than good enough for the people you love and the purpose in which you are here.
"You're not alone on the journey...I've got your back!"
Dwayne Klassen #TheCoachForMen
I invite you to explore your coaching options at: www.DwayneKlassen.com
Let's have a powerful conversation and explore what's possible.
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