Like Father Like Son
Yesterday a father in his mid 40's and his 18 year old son were arrested for senselessly beating an innocent man in a ridiculous case of road rage.
After pretty much forcing a man's work van off the road and then dragging him out of his van, they proceeded to beat him until witnesses intervened. It could have been much worse.
They still couldn't get the reason for the attack.
The cowards fled and were later picked up by police at their home.
My question is: What place does a man have to come from where he shows his son this is how it's done?
What major malfunction does this kid already have engrained in his head about life as he starts his journey as a man in this world? I can't imagine the environment and head space in which these two men exist in.
As much as their actions are deplorable and they should both be stripped of their "Man Cards" for life, I also know that there are some very deep wounds at play here.
There's a tragedy in progress.
There is a generation of boys that I am deeply concerned for. There are very few role models for them that are about men with character, compassion, strength, and honour.
This has to be the role of a boy's father. Dad's have to be the ultimate example of what it means to be a Remarkable Man in this life time.
It does not mean that Dads have to be there 24/7. It's not about just putting the time in. It's about quality over quantity.
Teach them about life and what the skills they need to handle the challenges that they'll inevitably encounter.
Teach them about the things that they'll never learn from any school or class. Let them see you being a champion to their mom regardless of your marital status.
If you are dad of a teenage boy create a "Dad's Guide To Being A Man" - In it you put your wisdom from your life.
You put in action steps and experiences that you and your son must do before he ascends into manhood. Teach him to tie a fly, light a fire, throw a tight spiral, swing an axe, teach him chivalry, financial responsibility, work ethic, do community work, let him see the world from the eyes of all classes, orientation and colours.
Teach him about how in real-life everyone does not get a trophy. You have to earn your victories!
Once you both have it all checked off (Make it a year long project), create a father/son ritual where he's to pledge an oath to instil the values he has learned. He's to carry the honour and responsibility of being a man for the rest of his life.
Once he's complete, present him with a plaque and a "Man Card" for his wallet with the date he became a man.
Give him the terms in which to keep his man card in good standing...as It can be revoked at any time.
Lastly, and this is the most difficult - It is incumbent upon fathers to stop and heal the pain between you and your father/mother or father figure. Quit wearing the mask and pretending it does not impact how you show up as a man and as a dad.
The next generation comes into this world innocent and loving. So it is your job to ensure that what ever wounds you have within do not end up being the wounds your children have to bare and endure.
It takes guts, and it takes a high degree of resolve to dig into your pain, your hurts and your struggles that you've carried all these years. But until you do, you will most likely curse your children into a life most similar to yours.
Consciously and unconsciously, they'll model your behaviour to a tee.
It's time for Dads to be heroes to your children regardless of their age. Reach out to them, make them a priority, tell them you love them every chance you get and do your damnedest to do right by them.
To all the dads young and old that are doing your best...I solute you, Brother!
If you ever want to explore what coaching with me could do for you send me a message.
You're not alone on the journey...I've got your back.
Dwayne Klassen #TheCoachForMen
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