Too Successful To Be Happy
It's a beautiful afternoon as I sit awaiting my 2PM appointment.
My phone vibrates and I glance down:
SORRY RUNNING 15 MIN BEHIND
No big deal as I am enjoying watching the parade of exotic cars being valeted at this prestigious hotel.
The lounge is hopping with international travellers kicking back, or planning their next excursion and business meetings...Hey wait! Is that Rianna?
Hey, There's Mark Wahlberg! Wow! He's shorter than I thought.
Not surprising, many of Hollywood's royalty stay here when they visit or shoot movies.
I then feel a hand on my shoulder from behind,
"Dwayne! I'm sorry for keeping you waiting."
John (Not his real name) was breathless as he came around and sat in the over stuffed chair across from me.
John is a very accomplished business owner and is having the most important and successful day of his life.
His business is about to double as his company is acquiring his largest competitor.
Harried and distracted he settles and gives me the heads up that between his accountant and lawyers our meeting is likely to get disrupted.
"Dwayne you have thirty minutes...Go!"
This was our first physical meeting after several phone conversations and the intent was to introduce him to how I could serve him as a coach.
The meeting could not be more ill timed. His mind was elsewhere pretty much from the get go.
However, I approached him from a place of immediate connection.
I let him know that in my research as a men and relationship expert that many very successful men have worked so hard to get to where they are at. Yet there true level of happiness is questionable.
For those playing a big game, have all the toys and the dream life most people fantasize about, there's often other aspects of their lives that they are bankrupt in.
Some areas of their lives have paid the price for their success. It may be in his relationships, being a father, or living a double life in his private life.
Yet he can't express his pain, frustration or shame because he has to keep the mask of a leader, the mask of strength and the mask of a man kicking ass in all areas of his life.
As I was expressing this to him, I could see it landing hard. I could see it in his eyes as this proud, action oriented man began to soften before me.
He shook his head and began to shake his finger at me.
(Warning F-Bombs ahead)
And with a shaken low voice he says, "Fuck You! Fuck You! Fuck you, Dwayne!"
I thought, Oh shit! I crossed the line and I just pissed off a very powerful man.
In a defeated tone John continued,
"You know, I am having the biggest day of my life and yet the only people I get to celebrate this with is my accountant and my lawyers."
His eyes welled up, "My wife left me last year and my kids don't want to see me."
"I have the most beautiful home and everything I could ever hope for."
"My romantic connections and friends are there because they are pretty much bought and paid for."
John found himself dumping his burden for the first time in his adult life to a relative stranger.
The reason is, I created a container and the context he'd been waiting for, for a very long time. No judgement, no filter and a direct path to where he desperately wanted to go.
Our relationship continues today.
John is a microcosm of a very real and pervasive challenge that a lot of men are going through.
However, most men don't feel that there is any where for them to go.
Seeing a psychiatrist has a stigma attached to it. They feel that sharing with their family or friends can only go so far.
They can't allow others to see the chinks in their amour.
Many men reach for alcohol, drugs, sex or other distractions to escape their reality rather than deal with the pain, frustration and shame that weighs so heavily on them.
The masculine archetype often has the ego at the helm. So expressing any kind of weakness takes him off his game. Immersing himself in business and all its trappings becomes the distraction that helps the ego keep him from truly feeling his pain.
It's where he finds his power and his worth.
However, there's a bigger issue at play.
When a man closes off his emotions, he will often see it manifest in his physical health. Men are going through prostate issues, sexual disfunction, high blood pressure, cancer, heart disease and suicide at epidemic proportions.
Emotions or E-Motion is energy in motion. Emotion is energy and it has to
move. When this energy is suppressed or stagnates it will surface as DIS-EASE.
This is what disease is.
As The Coach For Men I have made it my life's work to understand and support men from a place of knowing what he needs to ignite his soul, have him truly come alive and to find the happiness that he so desires and deserves.
When a man understands his core operating system, the mechanism that's truly running the show, he can then course-correct to heal the areas of his life that are holding him back.
Going to the core, addressing "the Little Boy" within and creating a path to discover the Remarkable Man within is the most noble, responsible and rewarding journey a man can gift to himself.
True success, wealth and happiness is an inside job!
I believe that every man has a remarkable man within. When a man is remarkable he can create a remarkable world.
You're not alone on the journey...I've got your back!
If you or someone you know would like to have a powerful conversation and discuss what coaching with me can do for you send me a DM.
Let's explore what's possible and see if we are a fit to work together.