Guys, you'll want to pay attention as you read this post.
It covers some very true and obvious challenges that both men and women are dealing with...Especially in today's infamous dating landscape.
Whether you are single, dating or in a long term relationship, never take your foot of the gas...here's why:
I had the opportunity to sit with a dear and platonic friend that I hold in high regard. She's a women's coach and dating expert. So she had much to share about her real-world observations.
We sat at the corner of the bar in a very popular and busy chain restaurant. It was the start of "Happy Hour" and the suits were pouring in to enjoy a drink with colleagues, for camaraderie and some came in for the feigned attention of the very attractive bar staff.
My friend and I had not met up socially in a long time, so it was great that our schedules had us both downtown on this fall afternoon.
After catching up, our conversation typically will cover a wide spectrum of self development, personal growth or self awareness topics. As purpose driven coaches it's hard to not talk shop and the "big picture" ideas when we connect.
We are also big fans of human behaviour and social dynamics. So it didn't take long for us to begin to survey the crowd.
What came from her was unexpected but not really that surprising.
With a disappointing sigh she said, "You know Dwayne...here's something you might want to tell your men in your groups or your coaching clients."
I leaned in.
With her head swivelling back to me she said in exasperation, "If I were single, there's not a single guy in here that I'd be remotely attracted to!"
"Really?!" I responded to elicit more.
"It's like none of these men are even trying any more! Sure they have the suits but few are looking comfortable in them! None of them look like health, fitness and style matter! It's like they gave up!"
With that I began to look at the male dominated place through her eyes.
It was true!
As The Coach For Men I too realized that these guys really did little to stand out.
Some of the men in suits looked like they came from the same bargain suit emporium. The suits look ill fitted, their posture was weak and their presence was small.
There was but one guy that she noticed that caught her attention. One guy! One guy amongst a hundred or so! He was in the middle of a booth, with a fitted turtleneck sweater and blazer. Even though he was sitting and at the far end of the restaurant, she was able to pick him out between all the guys standing in the way.
"See him?" As she nodded her head in his direction.
"That guy is the only guy in here that looks like he put some real effort into his style, look and health!"
"Plus, he seems to be the one everyone at his table is paying attention to!...That's attractive!"
Obviously, she has a filter for what she likes. But she is not alone! I tell you this guys because I'm here to tell you that women notice everything.
Conversely, as a man, I noticed the very limited number of women who were actually customers (perhaps 15 or so). Every one of them put effort into their look and there were at least 6 women out of that 15 that I deemed to be "very attractive" through my own filters.
Not a bad ratio.
This is not about you trying to be someone you are not or that women are too picky, entitled or demanding.
Women like what they like just as you like what you like in an attractive woman or partner.
This is not about men that have won the genetic lottery either. A woman's attraction filter is a lot more encompassing than a man's.
This is about you having a level of awareness about you competition in the dating world and your awareness of your own personal brand when you are out and about...good or bad...women are noticing you!
In their mind the dating and relationship landscape is hurting for attractive men that give a damn about how they show up.
So as the Coach For Men I am here to tell you that you don't have to do too much to give yourself and unfair advantage over your competition. Seriously, from what my friend is saying from a woman's perspective, most men aren't really trying at all.
I'm inclined to agree.
So to those men that do actually try, you will get the fruits of your labour.
Here's A Few Tips To Become "The Attractive Man" Women Are After:
1) Posture - Where ever you go always be mindful of your stance and how you sit. I was a sloucher. At 6'-4" I had a weak back growing up and I still have an issue with rounded shoulders. So I am constantly mindful of how I am sitting, standing and walking. Because of this I tend to hold myself very well.
Women notice how you hold yourself and make quick assessments of your strength and charisma on posture. So lean up against a wall or door near a mirror so you can see how you hold yourself. See the symmetry or lack there of. Observe how it looks to have great posture without over exaggerating or looking all puffed out. Then do it out in your world ever chance you get.
Oh and smile! A sincere smile is a powerful attraction indicator as it is like a window to your soul. It lights you up!
2) Style - You do not have to be a suit guy to pull-off a look women find attractive. You just have to actually put some effort into it.
A lot of older guys are getting out of long-term relationships only to find they are ten years behind the times with their wardrobe and look.
Update your hair cut! Go to your barber and ask him/her to introduce to you a new modern style that would flatter your face and head shape. Trust them to give you a new look that can be both edgy and conservative when you need to be. Then learn how to style it when you are by yourself.
One size does not fit all! Purge your wardrobe of shoes, suits and shirts that are older than 5 years! Donate them to Good Will and then update the pieces you gave away. Suits today demand attention. Regardless of your body shape, "Fitted" is what you want. You want the cut and style to flatter your shape.
Most guys don't realize that you can get custom made bespoke suits and shirts for less than most premium labels.
This "fitted" mindset should also carry over to your casual clothes. Regardless of your body shape, there is a way to make your shape work for you. Talk to the staff at your men's store for advice and for what styles mix and match best for your shape.
3) Health and Fitness - According to a New York Times survey, Only 21% of men are happy with their physique and current level of health and fitness.
Listen guys, this is the one area that will give you a true unfair advantage. Not only does it make you more attractive, it will make you healthier for better longevity and well being.
Hit the gym, hit the trail or the weights. However you do it, get it done! That gym membership has to get used! If you struggle with procrastination and/or lack of motivation, then hire a fitness coach to get you over your self-imposed limitations.
Go heavy with weights when you can. This will help amp up your muscle tone and testosterone production.
Diet and nutrition is everything! As a man you have to really pay attention to your nutrition intake. Veg up! Get your greens! Most men are lacking in the basic nutrients needed for optimum male health. I'm talking long term and also for sexual performance and overall well being.
There are a lot of testosterone robbing foods out there and they are usually found at any place with a drive-through window.
Drink a sh*t ton of water! You are not nearly as hydrated as you think you are. Drink at least 3 litres a day! Yes, that sounds like a lot, but the hydration benefits are amazing. Water is great for brain activity, organ optimization, recovery, purging toxins, fat loss and great skin health.
4) Be Interesting - With the above handled you are now in the small percentile of men that have got game! You are making the cut in her eyes and it's now time to engage in conversation. This is where you have also taken the time to work on yourself.
You are one of the rare guys that didn't just jump back into the dating world after your last dating nightmare or nasty argument if you are in a relationship. Hello no! You actually took full responsibility and went to work on your own self-development.
You made personal and spiritual growth a priority. You opened your mind to new ideas, teachings and perspectives. Your awareness about yourself, women and the world around you has changed a lot! You are more accepting of others. You are more open minded. You are more fascinated with ways of being you never considered before.
With this awareness you become more interesting. You are less one dimensionally and your conversations can now go in any number of directions.
You've learned how to be more witty and conversational. You can draw people in and make it all about them in a way that intrigues and raises their curiosity. This also opens up the sexual push/pull tension she craves that gets you out of the "friend zone" and makes flirting so much fun.
Gentlemen, you know how soul crushing the dating scene is. You know women are noticing everything. You know that there's a lot of dudes out there vying for the same dream girl you are looking for. You also know she's looking for a decent attractive man that stands out in the crowd.
Obviously I could add so many more tips and ideas here, but even with these you now know that with just a few improvements you can rise above Mr. Average.
Whether you are in a relationship or not...Never take your foot off the gas about being the best version of who you are no matter where you are.
Always be growing and always be mindful of your opportunities to shine your light.
With just a few subtle changes you can make yourself an attraction magnet and stand out in the crowd of average guys that are doing nothing and be the rare and endangered "Attractive Man".
You've got this!
Remember; You are not alone on the journey...I've got your back!
If you got value from this post please like, share and comment on it...I'd love to hear from you.
If you'd like to have a powerful conversation about where you'd like a breakthrough...contact me and let's set it up. Cheers! :)
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